The Start of it all

Exactly one year ago today my Dad started his new journey of weight loss.  I can only imagine the feelings that he was going through. I got to spend the Christmas holiday with him and I couldn't help but stare at him because he is now 120 lbs skinner and the smallest I have ever seen him. I remember him driving me the airport last Christmas telling me and Heather that he was going to to the no carb diet and 2010 would be the year he lost weight. I remember thinking yeah uh huh Dad, we have all said that before.  I have said it so many times I can't even count. I said the same thing in 2010 and I started the year off great. I had lost 25 pounds by my birthday which is January 24 and I remember cheating on my birthday and throwing up so much because I was drunk and had way to much Mexican food. I used to love margaritas and I can no longer drink them because I am reminded of my golden birthday throwing up session.  Story of my life, loss some weight, feel great, cheat, feel guilty, gain all of it back plus more and get sad and say I am going to loss weight again.  Well this leads me to a new journey...



2011 will be the year I mEet the new me! Here is my plan of action. I am going to work out as much as I can and I am going to sign up for weight watchers online as soon as I have the money to do so. I have zero money right now because I just got back from a week long Vegas trip and I need to get back on top of money. If my Dad can do it so can I.  My plan is start working out in the fat burning zone which for me is going to keep my heart rate right around 120. The set back that I know that I will face is being sore. My body hurts. I have not weighed myself in about 2 months, because my scale is out of batteries, but I would guess I am around 375 but I will get the right number tomorrow. NO ONE knows how bad 375 feels. Let me try to explain. I wake up and my knees hurt so bad I walk funny to the bathroom. When you walk a mile you feel like your feet could fall off they hurt so bad. When your walking up stairs you can actually hear your knees make a crunching sound because they are working to hard. Right now, I don't have any health issues that I know of. NO diabetes, no high blood pressure, no sleep apnoea or any of those obese conditions that I should have. I wouldn't know though because I won't go to the doctor probably because I fear those things coming out of the doctors mouth. 

I am scared to fail. Everyone knows that I have tried this before. Everyone has been hearing for years I am going to do it. I can't tell you all why I think this year is different but it is. I will do it. When I entered my freshman year of college I weighed 310 lbs. I lost 60lbs right away. I went home for Christmas that year and I was the smallest I ever remember being. I was 250. That means that i have gained about 125 lbs since then. I wish that I would of known how good it felt to be that size. I wasn't really trying to lose weight it just happened because at the time I was playing college softball and conditioning with my team. Well, then I hurt myself. I have a bad knee that I hurt in high school and it got so bad conditioning with my team I couldn't bend or straighten it. They tried to get me on the bike and in the pool and I would fight everyhting. I was happy at the time. I had never been 250 and I felt that I was the skinniest I have ever been...and I remember thinking back off me!! i am skinny. My coach always wanted more. She thought I could be an all AMERICAN. I didn't care, I went to college for the drinking and the boys...and then the girls:) I have felt a huge amount of guilt lately for taking my gift of softball and not giving it all I had! With me being a softball coach now at a university, I see how much more my girls could be and I can't help but feel bad for my coaches that they saw the same in me. Well back to me being scared. I am scared because division 1 athletics couldn't get the weight off, and now I am trying to do it on my own. Actually typing that, I cry. I want this so bad.

I want to fit in an airplane seat. I wanna go home more and the reason I don't is because I don't want to sit next to a stranger on the airplane or god forbid the airline make me buy two seats.  You guys know me, I want to be a Mom. I have this thing with kids. I am a huge woman and no kids seems to be afraid of me. I just have a way with them. I dream of being a mom and I have been saying that for years. How does a 375 woman have a child? Reason number 2!  I wanna live as long as I can. This last year I have bought a house, and established the kind of relationship I wanna

So here is my blog. I hope everyone enjoys reading about my journey. Maybe I will help someone with the same problem, and motivate someone the way that my Dad did for me.  This blog is a way to keep me on track. Hold myself accountable to my dreams and my goals.

Sit back watch, read, and enjoy the new Jordan...I am excited to meet her!